Experiences with Amma

Deep down each one of us has a sea inside-a sea or ocean of bliss. This is our real nature: all-pervasiveness, undivided, no differences, just oneness. But paradoxically, even though this is our actual or true nature, we lost contact with it. This oneness is what we are all longing for and searching for. Knowingly or unknowingly we try to find it in relation with other beings. When we deeply love one another we forget all about our own selves. It is as if we want to dissolve in each other to experience this oneness. We wish there weren't any distance. Even the slightest separation is painful. We want to break out of our limited personality and merge with the other person. It is in this merging that we find happiness.

To experience God is to experience this oneness with everything and everybody - not just with one or two other beings, but with the whole of creation. Mother says that nothing can be compared with this happiness.

While looking at the sea we can experience a glimpse of that happiness because it reminds us of our true expansive nature. To Mother the sea seems to have an especially strong attraction. It is as if it is Mother's own mother.

When Mother was very young and cast out by everybody, including Her own family members, She turned to the sea for comfort and solace. Mother would tell everything - Her joys and Her sorrows - to the sea. To the sea She would compose and sings full of longing for the divine.

Recently it seems as though Mother has gone back into this mood a little bit. For example, since coming back from the American tour a couple of months ago, Mother started going to the sea every night. As most of you probably know, Mother's ashram is situated on a small strip of land that is bordered on the West by the Arabian Sea. The beach is hardly a three-minute walk from Mother's room. Along the coast a barricade of enormous rocks has been constructed in order to protect the village from erosion. Each night, atop this rock wall, at a height of about seven or eight feet above sea level, Mother would sit, absorbed in meditation for two or three hours. Then She would sing some bhajans, followed by a walk for two or three hours along the beach, only after which would She return back to the ashram.

During these times Mother did not want anyone to come with Her. For a short period She allowed me to accompany Her, but later even I was not permitted to go along. Once Mother told me that it was because She has so many things to tell the sea. If someone else were there, She would not be able to speak freely.

To prevent the local fishermen and villagers from recognizing and following Her, Mother even created a special disguise, which consisted of several layers of clothes. It looked a bit strange but it worked. I saw Mother passing ashramites, devotees and local people without anybody noticing Her.

During the brief period Mother allowed me to go with Her to the beach, some incidents occurred which I would like to share with all of you. These incidents are clear proof of Mother's words that the sea and all of nature is alive, has consciousness and feelings of it own.

Once we realize this truth, we cannot go on harming Nature. We cannot go on cutting down Her trees, polluting Her water, and exploiting Her selfishly. Mother on several occasions, has given various warnings about this, saying that at one point Mother Nature Herself will react and get back at us if we harm Her. In this regard I would like to begin my stories.

The first incident took place just before Mother's birthday. One evening Mother was outside near the hut where She often meets visiting devotees. Nearby was a jasmine bush, so full of fragrant blossoms that many had even fallen on the ground. Seeing the fallen flowers Mother thought to Herself, "These flowers are probably crying, thinking that because they have fallen, they will lose their chance of being offered to God." And then, so as not to deprive them of their happiness, Mother began picking them up. Seeing this, some people gathered around and began to help Her. In their enthusiasm they even started to pluck flowers from the bush. But immediately Mother stopped them saying that She didn't want to hurt the plant by taking flowers straight off its stems. Everyone wondered what Mother was going to do with the jasmine blossoms. They knew Amma was in the habit of going to the ocean at night and how much affection She has towards it. Once person asked Mother, "Are you going to make a garland for the sea?" Hearing this, four or five people admitted that they had been thinking the same thing. They all began asking Mother if She was planning to offer the flowers to the ocean.

Hearing this, Mother thought that perhaps the sea was giving Her a message. Mother then asked for a needle and thread and began stringing the flowers together. When Mother finally came upstairs She asked me to put the garland in the refrigerator. That night when we went to the sea, Mother told me to take the garland with me. On the way to the sea we passed some brahmacharins and Mother told them that She wanted to give the garland to the sea, but only if the sea herself would come and take it form Her. When we reached the shore Mother went to sit on the rocks as usual and meditated for some time. Then She asked me for the garland. Clenching it tightly in Her right hand She said, "Let's see. If the sea really wants this garland, let it come and embrace Me, taking the garland from My hands herself." I smiled, knowing it could never happen since the ocean waters were so many feet us and the tide never comes up so high.

But Mother had hardly finished Her sentence when and enormous wave suddenly burst forth from below, soared over Mother's head and crashed down over Her with such a force that it almost carried down over Her with such a force that it almost carried Mother away with it. Somehow though, Mother remained still, while the wave managed to sweep the garland away from Mother's grip as it returned down to the depths below. I watched in amazement at the power of love between Mother and the ocean.

I witnessed that the power of love between them had been able to transgress the natural laws of the tide, and I understood that so-called insentient beings like the ocean experience the same attraction toward Mother as we humans do.

There is another incident, which took place in connection with the sea, which I'd like to relate to all of you. As most of you probably know, Mother hardly eats, and what little She does eat is perhaps at some odd hour. The days Mother would go to the beach She would only eat some thing after returning, which would be approximately three o'clock in the morning. Therefore, I would always take some cake along with us, hoping that Mother would at least some odd hour. The days Mother would go to the beach She would only eat something after returning, which would be approximately three o'clock in the morning. Therefore, I would always take some cake along with us, hoping that Mother would at least eat a snack while She was at the beach. But usually when I offered it to Mother, She would take a slice, break it up and feed the ocean instead.

One night Mother had finished the sea and I had already put the remaining cake back in my bag when suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a few waves came crashing up and landed a couple of feet in front of Mother. Laughingly I said to Mother, "It looks a though the sea is hungry tonight and wants a second helping." With a twinkle in Her eye Mother told me to quickly give Her the cake again. She broke off some more pieces and held them out in Her hand. Then She said to the sea, "If you're hungry and want some more cake, then come and get it from Me!" And then all of a sudden the waves crashed forward, rushing toward Mother and Mother let go of the cake pieces.

I learned that there is consciousness pervading each and every aspect of creation. Only Mother can tune in with this, because She is one with all of nature, all of creation.

As I mentioned earlier, after some time Mother would not allow me to accompany Her to the beach. At first I used to feel scared, thinking of Mother sitting all alone for hours at night atop those rocks and would worry about Her safety. The fishing village surrounding the ashram is full of young, rowdy boys, some of whom get drunk and wander the beach at night looking to make trouble. Even a couple of times when I had gone with Mother, some of whom get drunk and wander the beach at night looking to make trouble. Even a couple of times when I had gone with Mother, some of these boys had tried to approach us, not knowing who we were, and called out to us, making funny sounds or saying, "Hello, hello. What's your name?" But when they came really close and found out that it was Mother in disguise, they would run away as fast as they could.

Still I felt worried the first night when Mother informed me that She wanted to go out all alone. So a few minutes after Mother walked out the door, I decided to secretly follow behind. As soon as Mother had left the room I took another shortcut to the beach and waited from a distance near the spot where Mother used to meditate. Soon I saw Mother's torchlight flashing and I quickly hid behind some trees. I knew that once Mother sits for meditation She never moves or even looks around. Mother's concentration and gaze are always directly forward. So I knew that I could stand just behind the rock wall on which Mother was seated, with out Her seeing me and thus guard Her from all danger.

I thought I had been really smart, being able to trick Mother and now I started imagining how I would fix up anybody who dared to approach Mother and thus become the hero of the day. Suddenly there was sharp pain in my forehead. Then I realized I had hit my head on a rock while dozing off and dreaming of how heroically I would protect Mother against all evil.

So the hours passed and then Mother go up to return to the ashram. I quickly ran through a shortcut and managed to reach Mother's room before She did. And when Mother walked in I stood there trying hard to look completely innocent, pretending I had never left the room.

But the moment Mother saw me She said, "I have this funny feeling that there was someone else out there with me tonight." And then looking at me with a mischievous look in Her eyes, She asked, "But it surely couldn't be you, could it?"

I didn't want to lie and I didn't want to tell the truth either. So I quickly changed the whole subject and asked Mother, "Don't you want to eat now?" Mother's face now became angry and She looked as if She was going to eat me. Mother gave me one of those piercing looks and said, "Tell me the truth, were you out there with Me?!"

At this point I had to admit the truth and that was the end of my nightly adventures. I realized that no one, and not anything could get past Mother without Her knowledge although She may act as if She knows nothing. There are some instances like this where Mother shows us Her divine omniscience.

Another such incident is one that occurred a few weeks before we left India for Nov, 1999 tour. Swamini Amma was going to record the latest volume of her bhajans cassette and I listened to one of the songs. Although it was a song actually composed and sung by Mother Herself at a young age, I had never had the good fortune to hear Mother sing it, as She hadn't done so for over twenty years. It so happened that this song was one of my favorites and I had always longed to hear Amma singing it Herself.

That night when we were at the beach after Mother finished Her meditation She asked which song She should sing. Immediately I thought about his song, but unfortunately I couldn't remember the words or the tune. I looked helplessly at Mother and felt very sad that I missed this chance to hear Mother sing my favorite song. The very next minute Mother mentioned the name of the song and even began singing it for me! Mother knew exactly which song I had meant. Not only that, She fulfilled my long-time wish to hear Her sing it! Mother knows our hearts. She knows our every thought, desire and wish.

Still Mother wants to go to the sea every night. Even during this tour Mother said She misses it, that She can't visit the sea in the night. Several times Mother said that She would like to sit there day and night whether in the sun or rain, but Mother hasn't done this. Every time She went, She returned, came back to us, came down from Her world to our world.

It is up to us to make use of this choice Mother made to be with us. Simply being with Mother is very important, but not enough. Somebody once said that I was very lucky to be able to be near Mother most of the time. When Mother heard this She said, "To be near Mother is not enough. You are like a fish in the ocean, dying of thirst, dying to drink but not able to drink the water. This means death." Mother wanted to make clear that simply being near Mother physically is not sufficient. We must be with Mother in our heart and in our mind. We must be with Mother in our heart and in our mind. Then it doesn't matter even if we are a thousand miles away. Still we are with Her.

I would like to end with a story about Krishna and the gopis to illustrate this point. During the famous rasa leela dance Krishna danced with all the gopis at the same time. Because He had taken as many bodies as there were gopis. Thus He fulfilled their hearts desire and gave them the experience of the highest bliss. But there were a few gopis who had been locked up in their homes so they could not join the rasa leela dance. As soon as they heard the sound of Krishna's flute, however, they could not restrain themselves and they forgot everything else. Their longing for Krishna was so strong and their minds became so concentrated that they were able to leave their bodies and join Krishna in their subtle form. In this way they experienced the same bliss as the gopis who were physically present with Him.

May this story be an encouragement and consolation for all those who feel sad that they cannot follow Mother to India. It is our mind that decides if we are with Mother or not. It's not a matter of physical nearness. From Mother's side, She is always with us, whether we are focused on Her or not. But to be able to feel Her presence we have to focus on Mother. Let Her in, give Her our heart, mind and body. May Mother bless us to feel Her presence, that ocean of pure love, with ourselves and within each other, so that Her waves of compassion will spread all over the world.

Video on Amma