The Trek of the Soul

Swami Purnamritananda

Most people like to exhibit even their smallest talents before everyone. Mahatmas, however, usually like to hide their greatness from others, even while mingling closely with people. In truth, the whole of what we manage to glimpse of a Mahatma is only that small portion of his divinity that he allows to overflow from his ever-brimming vessel.

The question then arises, " Why do Mahatmas behave in such a way, disguising themselves as ordinary people, concealing their real glory?"

I once heard the answer from Amma herself, when a devotee happened to ask her that very question. Amma's reply came in the form of another question;" Why do police detectives disguise themselves as thieves and mingle with the people?" After a pause, Amma gave the answer. " In order to catch thieves, the policeman has to act like a thief!"

Ifelt that Amma was hinting that She was also like those policemen in disguise. She has come disguised in a human form to catch us. However, she catches us not to throw us in jail, but to liberate us from the bondage that we are in. She binds us to free us eternally from all shackles, to take us to the realm of everlasting peace and bliss.

Around her devotees, Amma is usually very cautious not to reveal her true identity. Yet sometimes, when surrounded by only those who follow her like a shadow, she accidentally lets down her guard and allows a blazing ray of her true being to shine forth. It is through such occasional unguarded moments that we have been able to get a tiny glmpse into her inconceivable glory.

When I had just begun to live with Amma permanently, she gave me one such glimpse. One morning, having finished my morning worship and meditation, I was coming out of the temple, when I found Amma sitting on the verandah, rapidly writing something in a notebook. As I approached, Amma turned away, hiding what she had been writing, and said in a stern voice, " Son, don't come near me now!"

I meekly obeyed, but my curiosity was strongly aroused. What could Amma have been writing that she should guard it so closely? " Well. let her finish it and then I will find out," I thought. Amma continued writing with rapt attention for more than two hours, filling two eighty-page notebooks with her script. Finally, seeing that Amma seemed to have fi nished, I approached her and asked, " Amma, what was that which you were writing?" Without giving any answer, Amma suddenly got up and ran away, taking the books.

The rest of the morning passed and the afternnon as well, but to my frustration, Amma could not be found. At last, in the evening, I discovered her sitting under a coconut tree, deeply absorbed in meditation. The books were not with her. While Amma was immersed, I searched all over the ashram for those books, but to my dismay, they were not to be found.

A few months passed. One afternoon, I was engaged in cleaning Amma's hut, when a wooden box under her bed caught my attention. As i pulled out the box, dozens of little ants came pouring out, running in all directions. I opened the box and in it were the same two notebooks that Amma had been writing in several months ago! I opened the books and began to read. I was wonderstruck. In those two notebooks, in exquisite language, were written the answers to the many sacred and inscrutable mysteries of the Universe. Suddenly, from a distance, I heard Amma coming. I quickly closed the books, replaced them in the box, and pushed it back under her bed.

Some years later, a devotee from Trivandrum began compiling a collection of Amma's teachings in the form of brief, succinct sayings. He received permission from Amma to have the book published. "Amrita Sutram" was the first book to ever be published by the ashram. Before the book came out, I recalled the existence of those two notebooks. I thought, " Wouldn't it be wonderful if the teachings in those notebooks could be published along with the other book? Let the people finally find out who Amma really is!"

I went into Amma's hut, pulled the box out from under her bed, and took out the notebooks. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, Amma came in running, gasping for breath. She snatched the books from my hands, and ran out of the hut, over to the backwaters. As I watched in disbelief, Amma tore up the notebooks, ripping out the pages, tearing them into little pieces, and flinging them into the backwaters.

However, when Amma snatched the books away from me, a few pages ripped out in my hand. What Amma had written on those few pages was published in the first edition of " Amrita Sutram" under the title " Amrita Upanishad," and retitled " Jeevagati" ( The Trek of the Soul) in the second edition. In those few pages Amma had depicted the drama of a soul bringing along its burden of karma, the awakening of the memory of past lives, the lamenting of the sinful deeds committed by it in the past, its passionate prayers for mercy and guidance, and then, its entrance into the human life, being born into a body which is an ever-changing bundle of pain and pleasure, and a life made up of ignorance, endless suffering and short-lived happiness. All these Amma has portrayed in the glorious language, magnificent divine poetry, wit the skill and the ingenuity of a master artist.

For me, no further proof of Amma's Divinity will ever be required.

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