Experiences with Amma

Two things in this world are infinite: the compassion of the Guru and the stupidity of the disciple. I am remembering one of my stupidities. It happened many years ago.

There was a cave behind the temple. I asked Amma's permission to sit inside that cave and do tapas. Amma asked me how long I was going to sit there. I said, "Forty-one days". She agreed with a smile on Her face. I was very happy. I entered inside the cave and started doing my tapas. But in those days Amma was always with us physically, singing, dancing, meditating and joking. When I heard Amma's voice very near the cave I couldn't continue to sit there. I got up and looked outside through the door. I saw Swamiji, Pranavamritananda Swami, and Amritatmananda Swami sitting around Amma and enjoying Her divine presence. I came out of the cave and sat behind Amma. Amma heard the sound of my footsteps. She turned back and asked, "Sreemon, when are you going to sit in the cave?" I didn't say that I had already started my tapas. But I replied, "Tomorrow." The next day also the same thing happened. When I was sitting inside the cave, I heard Amma singing with Swamiji and Paramatmananda Swami. A group of householders who came from the nearby town of Kollam were also sitting there. Again, that temptation to go near Amma conquered me. I ran out of the cave and went near Mother. Seeing me, Amma started laughing. Then She explained to everyone what really happened. Then I thought, "I should keep my word. Next time, I will not do this."

I went back and sat inside the cave. I couldn't do anything but cry. Anyhow, I tried to control myself. The first few days it was very difficult. I expected Amma to come inside the cave. Every day I waited for Mother to come, but She didn't. Gradually, I got the strength to adjust to the atmosphere of the cave. I started meditating on Mother within.

After two weeks She came inside the cave and showered a lot of affection. She said, "When you come out of the cave, bring Devi out with you." After that I felt very comfortable inside the cave and was immersed in my sadhana. After a few days I again heard Amma's voice from the door of the cave. "Sreemon, forty-one days are over." However, I didn't feel like coming out. The next day Amma came inside and pulled me out of the cave. She said, "Son, when the Guru is physically available, it is not necessary to sit inside the cave. Even if you are outside or inside the cave, if you have constant remembrance of the Guru, you are doing tapas. There is no difference.

After that, I happened to read a book about the greatness of Self-realized masters. Their presence itself is enough to uplift us. We should surrender completely. If there is surrender, miracles can happen in our life. In those days, Amma was easily available all twenty-four hours of the day. Then I thought, "How foolish I was to try to be away from Amma's presence. I really lost forty one golden days, which I could have spent time with Mother enjoying her leelas."

Constant remembrance is important. When you are in the presence of the Guru, try to gain maximum benefit without losing a single minute because it is very, very rare to be in the company of a Mahatma like Amma.

It is very difficult to get a human birth. It is much more difficult to have a interest in spirituality. It is even more difficult to get company of Self-Relialized masters. Just obey. The Guru knows what is good for you and will guide you to the correct path.

Another incident occurred many years ago. In those days there was only a small hut. Amma used to stay in that hut. A part of the same hut was used as a kitchen. Ramakrishnananda Swami used to make tea for Mother every morning. One day, he was not there, so I thought I should make tea for Mother. I had never made tea myself before that. I wanted to serve Amma because the disciple should use every opportunity to serve the Guru. However, in those days, Mother used to serve us. Sometimes She would cook food for us and even wash our clothes without our knowledge. I really wanted to serve Mother and I thought this was a very good chance. So I entered the kitchen and declared that I was making the tea for Mother that day. I even informed Amma in advance about this great event. So nobody came inside to disturb me.

After half an hour Amma called me from the temple and asked, "Sreemon, where is the tea?" I said, "Amma, I think this tea powder is not good. I tried several times but the color of the tea becomes very black. Amma then came into the kitchen and looked at the bottle of the tea powder and found that I had been trying to make the tea with black tooth powder. Amma laughed a lot and then showed me the correct container. I then told Amma, "Please don't tell anybody. I will have the tea ready within minutes."

Amma then went back to the temple. As I promised, I quickly made the tea and took it to Amma. I was very proud of my achievement. Amma took the cup of tea, had one sip, put the cup down and started laughing loudly and rolling on the ground.

I have seen Her in samadhi several times but I couldn't understand how one sip of my tea had made Her go into samadhi so quickly. Perhaps I had done a lot of mantra japa while make the tea! I was eager to know if the same thing could happen to me as well. So I took a sip from the cup. It was then that I realized that instead of sugar, I had added salt. I also realized that instead of serving the Guru, I was troubling the Guru.

So, we should remember that in serving the Guru we should only try to perform the duties that we are capable of doing well and not insist on doing something which we are not familiar with doing.

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