Women are not Potted Plants
Indian Express
-- Leela Menon
September 2000
"The facets of mother and lover are the same in a woman...they
are not different...both stem from the heart"
"Our women should be bold like the western women but they
should not abandon our culture. They should cultivate guts even
while nurturing our culture. We now imitate western culture without
assimilating the courage and the guts of their women. The Malayali
women should learn to react against harassment, instead of ignoring
it or tolerating it. They should not just be slaves of men."
This is no feminist hotly reacting against the increasing sexual
atrocities against women...this is the saint in white, Mata Amritanandamayi.
" I am the mother of both men and women. Yet my heart grieves
at the suffering of our women," she confessed in an exclusive
interview to this correspondent.
Ensconced on her spiritual perch, enfolded in her ethereal aura,
enhanced by her dazzling smile, Amma displays an awareness about
the world, about all the sufferings imposed on the Malayali women
by a traditional society.
Obviously her women devotees confess their agony to her, their
confusion, their uncertainty about how to react without violating
stereotypes, which the men are determined to preserve. She is not
only their spiritual beacon but also their counselor.
"Wives of Gulf husbands confess the harassment they have to
undergo from their husbands who suspect them of infidelity. At least
25 percent of the women who come to me confess about marital problems,
the ongoing psychological violence spawned by suspicion, which compel
them to commit suicide.
"Men tend to ignore the suffering of women. They should learn
to understand their emotional trauma; their psychological bruises
and gives them love. Our men are very traditional," she says.
"Even employed women are victims of harassment in the workplace,
with men denying them promotion if they don't submit to them. Women
cannot travel at night; they cannot travel in buses in comfort.
Girls who come to me say how they are harassed in the buses and
how some girls prick the eve-teasers with safety pins. Women are
suffering in every way. Wives are helpless and compelled to endure
a tortuous marriage.
"In the West divorce is easy but here divorced women are stigmatized
and isolated in society. If she has children and if she manages
to get married the children are ill-treated. It is also difficult
for the daughter of divorced women to get married in Kerala. Women's
life is full of tears," she broods, exposing a deep empathy
and worldly wisdom.
Amma is also very upset about the culture of Bacchus that is pervading
our society. "Many women complain about alcoholism of their
husbands. Alcohol has become a fashion here, a male habit. Even
children complain about the drinking habit of their fathers, the
subsequent domestic violence against them and their mothers that
follows. It is not healthy for children to witness their parents
fighting."
Her advice to women is to have patience. "I tell them to give
love. Love is the fuel that controls life...just as petrol or gas
drives automobiles. It is the mother's love that strengthens the
children." Amma is careful not to hurt the male Diaspora. "Men
are my children as well. But women should not be kept like potted
plants. They should have the freedom to develop fully, reach their
full potential."
Amma reminds women to be not only wives but also sweethearts and
mothers. She exhorts them to have control over her emotions... not
only external but internal as well. "The facets of mother and
lover are the same in a women...they are not different...they both
stem from the heart. A husband and wife should share their troubles.
A women should always perform the 'dharma' of a wife," she
tells women.
Of course even the saintly mother Mata Amritandamayi denounces
the obsessive consumerism of the Kerala women, their hunger for
costly objects, their obstinate insistence to have loads of jewelry,
including diamonds, costly saris, etc...for wedding. "Women
here imitate the West but not their good qualities. No western woman
wears kilos of jewelry. Why should our women waste money on finery?
They should learn to invest it so that they can get returns from
it. Women here do not have any business sense. They contact debts
for a marriage because of this compulsive desire for acquisition
of jewelry and clothes, ultimately leading to disaster."
Her message? See God in every human being.
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