A Night with the Wild Cats

By Swamini Krishnamritaprana

One night some years back at the end of Devi Bhava, Ramakrishnanda Swami came up to me and asked me if I still had my drivers license. I answered in the affirmative and he told me to quickly go and pack a few things as Amma was going away for awhile and wanted me to come with her.

It was in the early hours of the morning that we crept out of the Ashram and drove away in a car, Amma, Ramakrishnanda Swami, myself and another Swamini. I had no idea where we were going but it was wonderful to be on an adventure with Amma. I sat in the front passenger seat while Ramakrishnanda drove. After going a little way on the back coastal road, Amma told me to take over the driving. I felt glad that I had not eaten anything that night as I would have felt terribly sick in the stomach otherwise. It had been ten years since I had driven a car, but I was hoping that it was, like they say, with riding a bicycle, that one never forgets, and I knew I had a good back seat driver in, Amma.

There was not much traffic on the roads at that time of the night, so the driving was easy and we went on towards our destination which was by then decided to be Kanvashram in Varkala, about 2 hours distant. When we arrived at the ashram, the young gatekeeper would not open the gates as an old swami staying inside had instructed him not to open them to anyone. Some messages about it being Amma who wanted to come inside were passed on to him but he failed to understand at the time which Amma it was. He told that only with permission in writing from the advocate who was in charge of the legal matters of the ashram could he open the gates for us. Luckily he lived nearby, so Ramakrishnanda Swami drove off to obtain this and left us happily sitting on the rocky ground with Amma lying in my lap watching the stars, waiting for him to come back.

Some local people turned up and Amma spoke to them lovingly for awhile. They started to tell us about the wild cats that lived in that area, how they would not just pounce on you and bite you, but would pounce and slap you in the face with their paws. It was a little telling children ghost stories before bedtime, but we felt safe being under the protection of the Divine Mother of the Universe.

Finally Ramakrishnanda Swami came back with the permission to enter the ashram. When the old swami who had denied our entry saw that it was Amma, he nearly had a heart attack. He was extremely upset at having made Amma wait outside for so long, but he had not understood who had been asking to come in. He explained that all of the rooms there were locked and he didn’t have the keys, so there was nowhere for us to stay. The only place available was an open sided thatched roof shelter. Amma said that this was enough and when he led us to it, Amma laughed happily and repeated the Sanskrit sloka “tyagenaike amritatva manasahu.” This was the Ashram’s motto and also the story of Amma’s life, the meaning being that only through renunciation could true happiness be found. Amma could have had any luxury in the world that people might desire, but here She was happy to sleep out in the open on the bare concrete floor. We spread out a thin cotton sheet to lie on and the other Swamini, and myself lay down on either side of Amma. Ramakrishnanda Swami had taken the role of our guard and for protection against the wild cats; he had found a coconut stick broom and had kept this next to him at the ready in case we were attacked.

After having just laid down for five minutes, we heard a sound and Amma jumped up with all of us following, saying “It’s the cats! It’s the cats!” We all laughed and laughed as it had just been some small noise in the jungle. After lying down again for a while, this scene repeated itself several times. We found it uproariously funny and continued to laugh more than get any sleep. One time though, the wild beast did come by and with Ramakrishnanda armed with his broom ready to pounce on the wild cat before it pounced on us, we saw by our only source of light, a tiny pen torch, an old female dog that looked like she had given birth to hundreds of puppies in her lifetime. “Yes, there’s the wild beast!” other Swamini remarked as the old dog staggered past us. We continued to laugh at this and eventually gave up trying to get any more sleep. Who needed sleep when you were with Amma? Amma sent Ramakrishnanda Swami back the next day as She did not want any of the brahmacharis to feel that She was showing favoritism to anyone.

I and the other Swamini were left alone with Amma. It was like the secret desire cherished in the heart of every disciple to have a day alone with one’s Guru. Amma was so happy to be out in nature and often looked around at the trees and sky and said how beautiful it all was. Here was the Creatress of Universe admiring Her creation. Although we had planned to be away for 2 day, Amma felt the sorrow of all of Her children left behind who were missing Her presence. When I sat by the small pond with Amma in the afternoon, She sang a bhajan mournfully to the sky and to the rocks and to the water, to all of the creation. Tears tricked down Her face. I wondered if Amma cried for us, so caught up in the clutches of Maya, or if She cried for he one who could not cy for God, offering Her tears on their behalf, or if She cried for the selfishness so deeply embedded in us that She had tried to melt away unsuccessfully over the years. Finally Amma got up and said, “Let us go back; the children are all so sad they can’t bear the absence of Amma.” Amma could have stayed on and enjoyed the peace and solitude in the beautiful surroundings, a rare chance in Her life to spend some time alone, but has Amma ever been found to put Her own joy and comfort above the sadness of others? So we drove back to the Ashram. All were in silence as we walked back in. Little did they know the magnitude of Amma’s love for them that had made Her sacrifice that precious chance of solitude. We kept a straight face as we entered, but inside the heart was still smiling with the precious joy and memories of our laughter and time together. It was only later on that we found out that there were no wild cats at all in that area at that time of the year, and I still renew my drivers license every year just in case!

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