Having a Family

The local satsang (spiritual gathering) is our connection, our lifeline to Amma. Participating in satsang helps strengthen our relationship with Her and each other. For many, satsang is the brightest spot in the week or month; it is a time to celebrate Amma and fellowship with other devotees. For Susi, the Dallas satsang is her family and link to the world.

Susi met Amma in 2000 while living in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Her health has always been a struggle. She has battled chronic fatigue, chemical sensitivity and numerous digestive problems since the early 1980’s. When a friend told Susi about Amma, she wasn’t really interested, having recently met another Guru. However, the night before the Devi Bhava program, Amma appeared in a dream telling her to come. When she awoke the next morning, Susi felt an urgency to meet Amma, believing that it was important to her life’s purpose.

That evening, Susi and her friend went to the Devi Bhava program. When Amma entered the hall, Susi experienced an instant change in her body. It was as though a switch had been flipped on. Her digestive system started functioning and she felt strong and nourished. It was such a contrast to her normal way of being that she could not ignore it. She felt as if her body was saying, “wake up and pay attention.” The feeling lasted most of the evening, and Susi was grateful for the respite. That night, Susi received a mantra, and even though her mind questioned, doubted and even fought Amma throughout the following year, Susi was pulled like a magnet toward the infinite love and grace of Amma.

In 2001, Susi’s health deteriorated. She became so chemically sensitive that any exposure to perfumes, detergents, deodorants, fabric softeners, or electrical frequencies made Susi unbearably, painfully ill. She found she could not go out in public because of the numerous chemicals emitted from various products and pollutants. Simply being around people was difficult due to traces of detergents and fabric softeners in their clothing.

Later that year, Susi moved to Dallas, Texas, to receive medical treatment from a physician who specializes in the worst cases of chemical sensitivity in the U.S. She moved into a “safe house,” a home totally free of chemical emissions. Susi was virtually homebound. Her illness prevented her from watching television, listening to a radio, using a computer, or driving a car. Even books were prohibitive because of chemicals present in the paper. Her one saving grace was her special telephone; one that operated on sound waves that travel through long tubes. (See Photo) Since then, the special telephone has been Susi’s primary way of communicating and connecting to the world.

Susi became involved in the Dallas satsang not long after she arrived. Via her adaptive telephone, she participates in the weekly program when she is able. In the two and a half years that Susi has lived in Dallas, the satsang has become her spiritual family. In late 2002, Susi fell into a deep depression. The frustration of being confined to her home, cut off from the world, and continuously dealing with the difficulty of obtaining the basic necessities of living created intense feelings of hopelessness and despair. She thought about her life and wondered if she had the strength to keep going. It was a very dark place for her to be. Through the darkness, she reached for the light. She held on to her faith in Amma and reached out to her family, the satsang.

A satsang member suggested adopting Susi as a seva (selfless service) project, and since that dark time in 2002, Susi has been the beneficiary of a loving network of friendship and support. The satsang ensures that Susi has what she needs – from running errands to helping her find insurance. Because Susi cannot use a computer, her satsang family often helps her with internet research, whether it’s helping Susi find socks she can wear or getting the latest information on her illness.

Most importantly, the satsang provides for Susi’s spiritual needs of fellowship and prayer. It is this connection that has nurtured and strengthened her over the last two years. One of the practices that helps her feel closer to Amma is reading Amma’s teachings. Because of the chemicals in the paper, reading books has been nearly impossible for Susi. One volunteer, who has become a close friend and a strong support, reads “Awaken Children!” with Susi over the phone anywhere from one to five times per week. To date they have finished three volumes! Her most recent project is learning Sanskrit prayers and mantras such as the Dhyana Sloka, Lokah Samastah, and the prayer before meals. Susi’s friends encourage her by leaving “prayer messages” on her phone, which have not only helped her learn the pronunciation, but have also blessed and inspired her to keep moving forward.

The rare illness that Susi lives with is difficult to bear on the physical level. In spite of this, she feels Amma working in her life all the time, in every way. She strongly believes there is a larger purpose at work behind the illness and with Amma’s grace, Susi is healing. Her biggest lesson has been learning to let go and trust Amma fully, surrendering to the moment, no matter how painful. These moments have been both exhilarating and frightening. Being alone and homebound without the typical distractions of television, radio, computer, and books has forced her to be quiet, and in Susi’s words, “to hold still and listen.”

Most of all, Susi is grateful for the abundance of love and support she receives from her satsang family. They are the foundation of her life in Dallas and true expressions of Amma’s boundless love and grace.

Tsunami Relief work

Katrina Relief work

AIMS Hospital outreach