Gratitude - An Orphan's reminiscences
- Excerpted from the monthly " Matruvani magazine" -
April 2003 issue
Sixteen years ago, when I entered
the precincts of Amrita Niketan, the Mata Amritanandamayi
Math did not manage it. The orphanage with more than 150 inmates
was under a different management. I entered the building situated
in a small village named Chinnar, off pattanamthitta district, holding
my mother's hand.
I was feeling completely lost and was crying in the strange surroundings,
but my mother paid no heed to it. She forcefully detached her hand
and walked away. A teacher roughly took hold of my hand and dragged
me into a classroom. She looked at me with contempt, as if to say,
" one more wretch has arrived." My memories begin from that time.
I lack the vocabulary to describe those dark, dismal and gloomy
days. I can only speak about the transformation brought about by
our beloved Amma, the personification of Love. In the dirty, filthy
environment of that home, one could not even dream about food and
clothes, the basic needs of a human being. An entire lifetime could
have been spent there, not knowing what true life was all about.
I gathered myself and looked around the classroom. There was a
blackboard on three legs, a board in such bad shape that nothing
much was visible on it. Someone had inscribed dull, lifeless letters
on it. I looked at the children who were staring at me in wonder.
Their eyes were sunken. Their hair had not seen oil for ages. Their
clothes were laden with years of dirt. Some of them were covered
with sores and itches. I looked at the teacher. There was no light,
no love in her eyes. No smile on her lips. Her face was covered
with talcum powder, and there was a sticker bindi on her forehead.
She was well dressed and I caught whiffs of perfume. I felt too
scared to approach her. If only she has smiled, if only she had
called me " Son..." If only... if only... I was hungry for love
and affection.
It was then that we heard the joyous news that " Amma" was taking
over our home. By mid-1989, the M.A.Math had officially taken over
the orphanage. Soon, some people arrived to take care of us, give
us baths, good clothes and proper food. They were angels, these
brahmacharis from the ashram. They gave us perfumed toilet soap,
tasty food and good clean clothes. We felt we were not orphans after
all.
A lot of development work took place thereafter. Soon new buildings
sprouted together with new facilities. Many people sacrificed much
and worked hard to develop this orphanage, under Amma's guidance.
Today, " Amrita Sanskrit Higher Secondary School" and the adjacent
" Amrita Niketan" are forces to reckon within the field of education.
In both 1989 and 1990, we secured the first position for a cultural
competition at the state-level schools. I was fortunate enough to
lead the teams.
Then came the glorious moment of being in Amma's lap. After unburdening
myself of my sorrows, Amma placed Her left hand on my shoulder and
wiped away my tears with Her right hand. Time and again, She consoled
me saying," Don't my dear child, don't be sad... Amma is there for
you. Amma is with you my darling son..." The tears of sorrow
give way to an immense sense of gratitude to Amma.
Our lives started afresh, renewed with hope and faith and optimism.
After finishing my 10th grade, I was again in a dilemma. What next,
I wondered with a shudder. Amma has always offered an answer. She
graciously offered me a job in the orphanage itself.
After a few months when I went to the ashram for Amma's darshan,
she made me sit near Her. It is like that - sometimes She tells
us to sit near her. The darshan continued.
After sometime Amma looked at me and asked, " Son, what are you
doing with your salary? How do you spend it?" I was dumbfounded.
I could not answer Amma. I was sobbing. Amma looked at me and continued,
" Will you go back to your old friends and squander away your money
in smoking and gambling?" The essence of a mother's love, the
feeling of a mother anxious about the future for Her son. She continued
as an afterthought, " Son, open up an account in a bank. Save half
of your salary every month. Send the remaining to your houses in
Chittar."
I follow Amma's instructions even today. Once a year, I visit
my house to meet my relatives. Then I see my old friends. They lead
a miserable life, addicted to liquor and drugs - men with emaciated
bodies, dark, blood-shot eyes with three to four kids each.
A few months ago, when I went to receive prasad from Amma, She
said loudly, in a playful manner," Isn't it time to get married?"
I gently declined. I said, " I wish to continue like this..."
Now I have only one desire - to serve in any of Amma's institutions,
doing some work that I am capable of. I know the agony of poverty
and the extreme pangs of hunger. Fortunately, these hardships are
not present in my life today. But I can understand and feel the
pain of those who suffer from them.
This orphanage is inhabited by so many who have undergone such
trauma and have been saved by Amma. I wish to serve those who are
suffering in whatever humble way I can.
What greater happiness can I have, than offering Amma my service
- who has bestowed this peaceful life on me today?
- Animon
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Amma 
Essence